Captain Holt: You were right all along. I wasn't mad at you, I was mad at myself, and I took it out on the squad. Peralta you're a genius.
Jake: Oh my God, you said it.
Captain Holt: I heard you practising in the men's room.
Jake: Yeah, that makes more sense.

Rosa: Come on, Peralta! Holt said to use the whole team. We all want this solved.
Jake: I appreciate the offer, but I work best alone. Except when it comes to sex. Actually, sometimes including sex.

Captain Holt: Do you see me as a father figure, Peralta?
Jake: No. If anything I see you as a bother figure, because you're always bothering me.
Sergeant Jeffords: Hey, show your father some respect.
Jake: I didn't call him dad.
Captain Holt: No, no. Jacob, I take it as a compliment.
Charles: It's not a big deal. I called Vivian mom once and she's my fiancée.
Jake: Guys, jump on that. Boyle has psycho-sexual issues.
Amy: Old news. But you calling Holt daddy.
Jake: Hey, daddy is not on the table here.
Suspect: Well, you did call him dad, dude.
Jake: You shut up. You've done nothing but lie since you got here.
Suspect: Okay, I was lying about the hold-up, but the daddy thing that happened.
Jake: Ah-ha. He admitted the alibi was a lie. All part of my crazy, devious plan.
Captain Holt: I believed you-
Jake: Thank you.
Captain Holt: -son. You want to talk about it later over a game of catch?
Jake: I'd like that.

Jake: I wasn't hurt that badly. The doctor said all my bleeding was internal. That's where the blood's supposed to be.

Captain Holt: Coat, coat, jacket, coat. Is this a police precinct or a Turkish bazaar?

Gina: Jake, why don't you just do the right thing and jump out a window? Captain Holt will never fire me if he knows I'm mourning the death of a close friend.

Captain Holt: Squad, since Peralta's briefing was cut short, you can all use this time to clean up your desks. Look at this place. Half-eaten food, crumpled tissues, pictures of your families.
Sergeant Jeffords: What's wrong with pictures?
Captain Holt: If you love someone, you'll remember what they look like.